Monday, January 6, 2014

Marriage By Committee

Here at the Dayton Chambers household (the “DCH”), we have decided to operate in committee mode during 2014. We believe a committee structure will promote both domestic efficiency and marital harmony.

Tonight, the Antifreeze Committee will meet at 7 p.m. to discuss removing two hoses from the outside faucets. The Antifreeze Committee is not to be confused with the Ad Hoc No-Freeze Committee, which is investigating why the icemaker has gone on the fritz.

Other upcoming committee meetings include:

Jan. 7, 8 p.m. With Breaking Bad having wrapped up, the Entertainment Committee will review what new series to get hooked on in 2014. Also, the TV Viewing Subcommittee will present detailed findings on who made the decision to record old episodes of Pawn Stars, despite the apparent DVR conflict with Downton Abbey.

Hygiene and Health
Jan. 8, 6:30 p.m. The H&H Committee will consider more effective methods for the handling of clean laundry. Members of the DCH report that under current protocol freshly dried clothes are typically left unfolded in baskets for one week or more. This has led to excessive wrinkling and ongoing confusion over which pile is clean and which pile is dirty. Also on the agenda: the Bathroom Subcommittee is expected to issue findings on who has been leaving the toilet seat up.

Jan. 9, 8 p.m. The Nutrition Committee will investigate reports that the latest box of Cocoa Puffs went stale before it could be fully consumed. The committee will draft recommendations, including the possible use of clips or glass jars, to prevent other occurrences in the future. Also on the agenda: Discussion -- what’s in the Tupperware bowl in the back of the fridge?

Science & Technology
Jan. 15, 5:30 p.m. New business: The committee will weigh the cost effectiveness of DNA testing to determine which of the three dogs has been pooping on the back porch.

Finance Committee
Jan. 26, 3 p.m. PowerPoint presentation: Why our 401K is now a 201K. The committee will also sort through the “mail bowl” to determine whether any 2013 tax records are missing and if the water bill has been paid.

Sports & Recreation
Feb. 1. 8 a.m. Should the DCH invest in a “29’er?”  CANCELLED per request of committee member Chambers.

Lawn Committee
Feb. 3, 8 p.m. The Backyard Subcommittee is expected to issue a report on the decision to reseed the backyard in light of the relatively wet winter and the resulting muddy pawprints on the kitchen tile.

Long Range Planning
Feb. 15, 6 p.m. The Christmas Card Planning Subcommittee will meet to address reports of disappointment in the 2013 Christmas card -- dubbed the “Three Wise Dogs” edition -- for its perceived lack of creativity in comparison to previous years.


Andy A said...

Mike, I have heard from some who know that the committee structure should be replaced by you saying 'Yes Dear'. Then the only calendar coordination is of a cycling variety.

Jerry Phelps said...

Dude. You are so busted.

And it sounds like you need to get the dawgs on your side.

Cap'n said...

You may need an attorney. Stop talking and look confused. Also, feed the dogs more table scraps. Keep a stash in your pocket. You may need stay warm out back.